Like many parents, I’m often overwhelmed by my to-do list. For every task I cross off, inevitably two more rise to take its place. Yet at the end of a busy day, I’m often left feeling like I haven’t accomplished anything.
When I came across an article by James Clear for increasing productivity with the Eisenhower Matrix (or box), I was intrigued. There are many articles and books on the matrix and the US President who developed it, but in short you divide the items on your to-do list into one of four quadrants:
Quadrant 1: Important and Urgent
Quadrant 2: Important but Not Urgent
Quadrant 3: Urgent but Not Important
Quadrant 4: Not Important and Not Urgent
To be most productive, you first do all the items in Quadrant 1 (“Do”), schedule the tasks in Quadrant 2” (“Decide”), Delegate the tasks in Quadrant 3, and Delete the tasks in Quadrant 4.
Sounds simple enough. To provide real-world examples, Mr. Clear placed his daily tasks into the quadrants. Quadrant 4 listed activities you’d expect as mindless time fillers: social media, TV, etc. It doesn’t take a productivity expert to know binge watching Schitt’s Creek instead of completing your tax returns is unproductive.
However, the other quadrants were far more illuminating. The first included writing the article I was reading. The author wanted to focus on tasks that best aligned with his long-term goals (in this case, a successful writing career). The second quadrant included things like calling family members and working out. Both are important, but can be scheduled at any time. When I read the third quadrant, urgent but unimportant tasks to delegate, my heart sank.
Quadrant 3 was my daily to-do list:
Respond to emails, book travel arrangements, etc. Most of my day is filled with tasks a productive person would delegate. What’s worst, I realized many of my tasks were ones my husband HAD delegated to me.
There are valid reasons why. As a healthcare provider, he can’t stop a procedure to answer the phone, so my number is always the one left for call backs. He also knows absolutely nothing about the family’s schedule. Even if he had the time to call and make appointments during working hours, he’d probably create a conflict I’d need to untangle. Consequently, not only did I recently schedule his annual physical, I also played phone tag with the front desk to get a bloodwork slip and confirmed the hours of the testing office. Basically, I did everything except get my blood taken and sit my booty in the doctor’s office for the actual appointment. I do the same for each of my kids (plus, actually sit my booty in the doctor’s office with them.) And, finally, myself.
My husband is also the most technologically-impaired millennial I know. I had to update his patient portal and pull his files, so he could review his own lab results before the appointment. Seriously, the man can read his own bloodwork but falls apart when forced to retrieve a forgotten password. Could he do it? Yes, of course. Can I do it five times faster? 100%. Sometimes, I wish he was more tech savvy, but I’m sure he wishes I didn’t depend on him to drive anywhere involving an interstate, scrub toilets, and grill meat. Basically, we’re a little co-dependent but it works.
To top it all off, as the practice manager, I also get all the urgent, unimportant owner tasks for our business. While delegating in a professional setting comes easily to me, delegating in my personal life isn’t an option. I don’t have a personal assistant to sign my kids’ field trip permission forms or replace an outgrown raincoat. While these “unimportant” tasks might not align with my long-term goals, they are necessary and, in many cases, urgent.
So what’s an overwhelmed mom to do?
Though it didn’t fit my life exactly, I found value in the Eisenhower Matrix. First, it made me realize why I was feeling so overwhelmed: I’m doing the delegated grunt work of four people. (Who all think their urgent, unimportant task is the most important). It also helped me recognize why I felt so unaccomplished at the end of the day: I was putting my Quadrant 1tasks at the bottom of the list, and consequently, those items were never completed.
Right now, it looks like a tornado tore through my living room, I need to reserve library books for my first grader, I have a stack of paperwork that should be scanned and emailed to the accountant for the first quarter reconciliation, and I need to find pictures for my daughter’s fifth grade class video.
For a brief moment, I’m alone. The house is quiet. I could watch Netflix or scroll through social media. (I’m not knocking either activity. We all need to decompress). But, for me, Quadrant 1 will always be writing. So, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
I have no doubt my to-do list will continue to be endless and my days long, but by recognizing which tasks help me feel productive, I hope to find a better balance between working toward my goals and managing all the items in the parenting matrix.
We’ve also determined that my husband’s huge work-life imbalance has created a marital imbalance, wherein I’m basically his personal assistant. We’re making plans to reduce his hours. I doubt my husband will ever become tech-savvy, but he’s more than willing to take on a larger share of parenting tasks.
In the meantime, I’m going to delegate the heck out of picking up the living room when the kids get home from school.
Kathryn Hively
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